


Divine

by tipsyGumshoe



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Eating Disorder, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Minor Character Death Mentioning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 01:58:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tipsyGumshoe/pseuds/tipsyGumshoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is KOMAEDA NAGITO, and your life is in ruins and you are welling up with feelings of self loathing and hatred, you almost feel like an unprotected animal. To everyone else, you are useless with a worthless talent of Super Highschool Level Good Luck. Your past is laced with secrets and regrets you won't tell your boyfriend HINATA HAJIME. He doesn't need to find out, all you have to do is prove your worth to him and destroy everything for him.<br/>He is simply divine and you do not deserve him. But somehow, you'll make up for your inadequacy, no matter how much you have to sacrifice.<br/>[ Non-despair AU // Regular Hope’s Peak ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Keep A Secret

Your name is KOMAEDA NAGITO and you are in love with ENOSHIMA JUNKO.

Your purpose in life is to PLEASE HER and MAKE HER AS HAPPY AS POSSIBLE.

You know you are very DEAR to everyone – including your lover.

\-- 

Because blood was everywhere, you were surrounded it by it, enveloped in a despair as you stared at the corpse of your girlfriend, ENOSHIMA JUNKO, blood splattered against the walls and dripping onto the white carpet, leaving stains that spread like a miniture pool. Your stomach twisted and you shakily head onto the doorway, where Junko laid sprawled on the living room floor and you did nothing but stare.

Stare for what felt like en eternity.

You two had been dating since you were young children, as she grew up to become a Super Highschool Level Model who you admired and hated and loved and adored with all your heart. But lately, she had been leaving you messages, texts, missed calls, that you ignored after getting into a fight with her over Hope and Despair – a common argument between you two that usually ended in cuddles and affectionate, apologetic kisses. But this time, it had been intense. You had a cut down your left cheek from when she had thrown a vase at you in anger, bags under your eyes when she kicked you out of her house which you slept in, instead having to opt for sleeping at your friend’s apartment. But at 2 AM, you had recieved millions of texts from her.

Your phone dropped to the ground in shock, the screen flickering on to reveal the texts you had read over countless times on your way here.

[2:06] ♡Junko♡: Komaeda?

[2:06] ♡Junko♡: I’ve found… the most despair inducing incident happening to me right now. I’m not sure what to do.

[2:08] ♡Junko♡: Its after me. Someone is.

[2:10] ♡Junko♡: I’m almost… frightened. I hear them, someone is here. The despair is so…

[2:10] ♡Junko♡: Divine.

[2:15] ♡Junko♡: Komae

She was insane. She was fucking insane and you woke up at her first text message, running all the way to her apartment after the third one to check up on her. But here she was: dead. Her pink, glittery cellphone knocked out of her hands, blood sprawled across the keys as she had tried to type out your name one final time. Who had done this? You weren't sure.

 

\--

 

It is currently 3:45 AM on the same day, and you are doing something so you'll never lose her.

You are insane. But what is it exactly you are planning to do? You're already doing it: you cut off your hand to replace it with Junko’s. Long, slender fingers and you are in a sobbing, heaving mess but you're going to keep her with you somehow.

This is the dementia talking, it is, but it feels right to do this for her.

Your tears flow down your cheeks, and you bite down on your bottom lip so hard it begins to blood.

You're feeling faint, but you're attaching her hand to where you cut off your own.

The police would arrive soon, because you couldn't hold back these screams and shouts, fainting before you could put on the hand yourself.

 

\--

 

Your name is KOMAEDA NAGITO and you are in love with [DATA CORRUPTED]

Your purpose in life is to [DATA CORRUPTED] and [DATA CORRUPTED]

You know you are very [01000100|01001001|01010011|01000111|01010101|01010011|01010100|01001001|01001110|01000111|00001101] to everyone – including your [DATA CORRUPTED]

 

\--

 

You have Junko’s hand attached onto where you cut off yours now, after bribing the hospital you had woken up in and giving them money to perform the surgery that lasted over the span of seven days. Luckily for you, no one cared for you. No one would find out because school would start soon and this would all be a secret kept to you and you only. You didn't need anyone else, you had a small piece of Junko to be with you.

You were insane.

Worthless is what you are.

Honestly, you had no idea what affect your ex girlfriend’s death would do to you or cause you in the future.

But nonetheless, you were convinced you were ugly trash to be disposed of, and you were never…

ever…

going to be in love again.

 

\--

 

Or, thats what you had thought. That is, when you met a boy named HINATA HAJIME in highschool.

Kind, sweet, caring…

You fell in love. Caught in its web only in a few moments. 

What was it that made him so DIVINE?

Hinata was there to show you the brightside of everything. You were going to forget about Junko, and start fresh.

You loved Hinata, and he loved you too.


	2. Desire For Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Komaeda realizes his fatal flaws and what he must do.

You realized it when you were with the rest of Hinata’s friends.

At school, you were always the odd one left out, your boyfriend even going with Nanami instead of yourself in school projects – but of course, she was a Super Highschool Level Gamer, where you just had a disgusting, worthless talent of Good Luck – Bad Luck would be more accurate, though. Perhaps it was because during conversations, you would sometimes slip into talking about Despair and Hope (a habit your ex girlfriend made grow on you) or how incompetent you are. Which, your boyfriend would always try to comfort you and make you think otherwise, but it never truly worked.

Everyone was awkward around you, occassionally you would put on your polite, honest act and they might warm up to you a little, but only when you were yourself did they seem disinterested. This conveyed the message through your mind that you weren’t special or talented enough to be with them.

Perhaps it was true?

Afterschool, at Hinata’s house (which you had happily moved into after you started dating), you would spend hours looking at yourself in the mirror, memorizing every disgusting flaw that engraved itself on you. Your white strands on unruly, curly hair, tipped a fading reddish colour, your wide eyes that looked cold and uninviting. Everything about you seemed… ugly. You weren’t muscular or flexible like Owari or Nidai, just tall, lanky, and bony.

Maybe it was time to make a change, to strive for something greater.

The hope that you could one day be able to be accepted by everyone else was overwhelming, and with a confident look gleaming in your eyes, you nodded to yourself in the mirror determinedly.

Yes… yes…

Get rid of this Komaeda, replace it with someone new, someone more loving and who deserved Hinata’s love.

Thats exactly what you intended to do.

 

\--

 

Your name is KOMAEDA NAGITO and you are in love with HINATA HAJIME.

Your purpose in life is to LISTEN TO HIM and DO WHATEVER HE SAYS.

You know you are very UNWORTHY to everyone – including your lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probs wont be more than 4 chapters.


	3. Symptoms

“Hinata. I’m leaving.”

“Mmn… w…what?”

You’re too disoriented to think straight when you wake, rolling around in your bed, pulling the covers down to peer over them to see Komaeda leaning over the edge of the bed in something that was definitely  _not_ his pajamas. You sat up in bed, running your hand through your mousy brown hair, “Komaeda…” you groaned, eyes flickering over to the alarm set on the table, “Its  _4 in the morning..._ ” you reach out and tug on your boyfriend’s shirt, “Come back to bed with me…”

He laughed, shaking his head as he casually pushed your hand back down to your side, “I’ll be back soon, alright? No need to worry about someone as incompetent as me. I’m going out to begin training with Owari and Nidai today.” Komaeda shifted in his spot, and you suddenly felt concerned about him. Owai usually came out of training with Nidai bloody and only coming down from her pure, raw adrenaline.

You looked over at the empty spot on your bed, exhaling a sigh, “… alright.” you finally agreed, “Kiss–?” before you could bring your lips to Komaeda’s in a farewell, he was out the door and shutting it behind him, probably hadn’t even heard you.

In an attempt to ignore it, you laid back down and rolled over.

A little bit of training wouldn’t harm your boyfriend… right?

 

\--

 

The rest of the day at school was different, you noted.

You had discovered Komaeda panting and bruised on the arms with Nidai and Owari in the hallways before the school bell would ring, and you suggested he headed out to the nurse’s office (at least visit Mikan), but he refused and told him it was now all part of his training program. His hands were limp at his side, and you heard Owari commenting on how he needed to learn to pack some punches with one of his hands. To which Komaeda laughed off, nodding, but something felt… off when she brought it up.

At lunch, you took note of Komaeda looking at the tray of food (very little, might you add), and the glancing down at the screen of his phone.

“Who are you texting, big brother Nagito?” Saionji asked, letting out a maniac little giggle, “Filthy pig Mikan?”

Komaeda shook his head in response, “Just looking something up! Besides, Mikan is sitting  _right over there._ ” he chuckled, jutting a thumb over his shoulder to gesture to the SHSL Nurse who looked over her shoulder and gasped when she realized Komaeda pointing at her.

You sat there, watching him as he drifted away from your friends’ conversations, instead stabbing his food with a fork, but only taking perhaps one or two bites.

 

\--

 

When you two had arrived home, you realized that Komaeda must be starving, so as soon as you entered through the door, you headed towards the kitchen to cook him something – especially after all that excercise.

Half way through making the curry, the white haired boy had wandered over towards you and wrapped his arms around your waist and let his lips hover along the side of your neck, breathing ever so softly. “… Hinata… What are you cooking…?” he mumbled softly, peering over your shoulder as his waist fit up against yours. You smiled, looking at him, “Curry. Are you hungry? I noticed you didn’t have lunch today so I thought maybe y–”

“I’m grabbing a bite to eat with Nidai and Owari.” 

“Wha–?” you asked, perking an eyebrow, “You were never that close to them, why now?”

“… I’m going out for a run, Hinata. The weather is nice and I’ll meet them at a sushi bar.”

“ _Komaeda._ ” you said in a stern tone of voice, “You just got home, can’t you relax? I mean, I don’t mean to intrude on your plans, but…”

Komaeda smiled at you, “Its fine.” he kissed your cheek, “I’m leaving now! See you!” he waved his right hand in the air as goodbye, releasing his grip around your waist.

“W-Wait! Nagito!” you called, “W..When will you be back?” you questioned curiously, forgetting about the curry you were making to focus on your boyfriend for awhile. In response, he rolled his shoulders back in a shrug.

“Not until late.”

“…” you remained silent, nodding your head, “Alright. Do as you want.” It was just one night, wasn’t it? You would survive.

 

\--

 

And he didn’t come back until late at night, which was odd for him, especially on a school night. You were actually curled up underneath the warmth of the blankets when you heard the door at the entrance click, unlocking it as your boyfriend left to the shower to wash off. You could hear panting, and you assume he must’ve gone for a run on his way back. This was a surprising amount of excerise in a single day, but he wanted to change, yes? As long as he was being safe.

When he left the bathroom, there was no rush of warm air. 

Did he… take a cold shower?

You shook your head, you had to go to sleep. 

Komaeda took his time slipping into his pajamas, and crawled onto the bed with you.

He felt cold, almost shivering and you turned around to press closer and run your fingers through his hair lovingly, “… Mmn…” you mumbled, kissing his neck, legs intertwining with his. And he wrapped his arms around your own figure, nuzzling close, “I’m back…” he whispered in your ear.

You stayed like that for the rest of the night, falling into blissful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is definitely not going to be 4 chapters. 
> 
> i lied.
> 
> aren’t i gr8.


	4. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Komaeda realizes something.

“Komaeda.”

You glance up from where you were seated on the couch, long, lanky legs sprawled out over the couch as you watch your boyfriend lean on the side of the door and watch you in the living room. It has been two weeks since you began to go on a more secretive diet, working out with Owari and Nidai, and leaving to go out for a run often. On the coffee table in front of you laid open a textbook with lines and lines of text, in your hand you held a highlighter as you had been studying for an upcoming test in school. With everything going on, you had no time for Hinata. Which was actually quite odd, since you two hadn’t been…  _close_ in these two weeks.

”Close“ as in you haven’t gotten laid.

Not that you minded, but it felt foregin since usually you two didn’t go very long without close contact.

You acted nonchalant about the situation, arching an eyebrow, “Yes, Hinata?” you smiled happily at the sight of your lover, “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Mikan, Souda, and Sonia called. Its only 11 AM, they were wondering if we’d like to meet up for lunch around 12:30 at the café down the block.” he informed you, “I told them you might be busy but–”

“I’ll do it if you lick the bottom of my shoes and dress up for me.” you interrupted, eyes drifting back to the textbook and highlighting a line of text for future reference.

“ _What._ ”

You couldn't help but chuckle at his reaction, “Don’t be like that, Hajime. I was only joking.” in reality, you were just wasting time because fuck, you have avoided eating in front of Hinata and the others at school and everywhere else all this time. You weren't...  _starving_ yourself, you were just on a diet where you might have green tea and rice in the morning… nothing of variety but having that feeling of being full after a meal was beginning to get less and less appealing. You realized that, yes, you haven't spent much quality time with anyone lately so maybe… just this once?

“…”

You breathed in, nodding your head finally. “I’ll be there if you’ll accompany me.”

 

\--

 

Thats how you managed to get yourself in the next situation: you sitting at a table with the three of your friends and your boyfriend, watching as Souda fumbled about to impress Sonia with witty remarks and compliments. Luckily for you, you had planned  _ahead_ of this.

As you socialized with the other, you couldn't help but begin giving anxious glances at your menu. When you finally did order, it was something you guessed had the lowest calories but how on earth could you know for sure? It didn't take very long for your food to arrive either, and every had began to devour it hungrily, especially Souda. Sonia was delicate with her movements, but of course, she was a Super Highschool Level Princess, why were they even at a café in the first place when they could’ve gone somewhere more expensive?

You kept checking the time, biting the long nails on your left hand anxiously (which you had difficulty moving, but you had gotten the hang of it overtime). Hinata picked up on this, but when your phone finally made a little chime, you eagerly picked up the phone with a wide smile. It appeared you were texting someone, but no one knew for sure.

“Komaeda?”

Mikan gave you a weak smile and you looked up at her from your phone. “I..Its not healthy to skip a meal s-so... maybe you should take a bite..." she reminded you.

“Ah.” you nodded, looking thoughtful but dreading the idea after you had checked on the device in your hand. “A-Alright.” you agreed, trying to be as casual as physically possible but the efforts were a wobbling mess. You raised a fork full of food to your mouth, taking a bite and oh god oh god, it felt disgusting. “Excuse me, I have to go to the restroom for a second.” you lied, putting your phone down and running off.

 

\--

 

For a moment, you are now HINATA HAJIME.

You gave a confused look at Sonia, Souda, and Mikan, assuming it had been a truthful excuse. But… curiousity overcame you.

You picked up your boyfriend’s phone he had been carrying around and seemed so eager to recieve a text from. However… he hadn’t gotten any new texts since 9 AM this morning – from Mikan. Quickly, your fingers moved to check the history.

Calories.

Calories of his food.

Worried, you slammed down the phone because you had suspicions of him having an eating disorder, he began to have a more narrow jawline and his arms were getting more bony, but your biggest concern was that he was now throwing up his food in the bathroom. You stormed off without even a minor bit of an explanation for your friends.

 

\--

 

You are back to being KOMAEDA NAGITO and you're currently locked in a bathroom stall, hunched over the toliet.

You felt sick. Something was twisted in your stomach because this feeling of  _food_ inside of you made you self concious because what if you regained all the weight you had lost in a single moment swept away. It was like you were about to upchuck all the food and you almost wished it would. Shaking fingers raised to your open mouth, drawing closer as you had contemplations if you should.

No.

No.

You did  _not_ have an eating disorder.

Dismissing the very idea, you stood up and pressed your back up to the stall door, hand wandering to your stomach and groaning. It was alright. It was just a bite...

The café was teeming with customers anyway at this hour, someone could walk in at any moment—

“Komaeda!!”

The sound of your boyfriends voice was startling, so with rapid speed, you flushed the toliet and unlocked the stall door as soon as Hinata entered, hurrying to the sink to wash your hands thoroughly. “Y-Yes, Hinata?” you smiled over at him, squirting a bit of soap on your hands to cover up.

“…” a serious gaze passed over his face, “I... Are you okay?”

“Of course.” came your curt reply, “Owari texted me and told me she wanted to see me for a fast round of training... I'll have to leave. I hope you don’t mind.” You lied. You're disgusting and worthless and you  _lied._

He looked pained, “What? You're leaving? But its so early and you just got back from training a few hours ago, what the fuck could they want–” his voice rose as he spoke, almost angered.

“Sorry.” you squeaked softly, eyes drifting down to the pattern tiles of the floor.

“…” he walked closer to you, embracing you and planted a kiss on your cheek, “No, no… I’m sorry. Lets go back to see our friends, okay?”

You grinned and nodded in agreement, fingers lacing with his, “I'll tell her no, then. I’m just not that hungry is all, I had a big breakfast.” again, you lied, but it was more smoother because you had made the exact same lie you gave your boyfriend every afternoon.

“Before you went out for a run, yes, yes, I know.” he rolled his eyes, releasing a sigh. “Come on, now, lets not keep them waiting.”

Hand in hand, you both walked out of the bathroom and wandered to your table to enjoy the rest of the lunch hour with your friends.

You didn't have an eating disorder, you were just becoming perfect for your boyfriend.


	5. Cold and Metallic

Instead of you enjoying the rest of the lunch hour with your friends like you said, because Souda began taking anxious looks at the slowly decomposing hand of yours. He was really the only one who knew about it, as you had explained the situation to him with your ex girlfriend, Junko. It was rare that you would keep it out on the open like this, limp and having noticable signs of rotting. Luckily for you, he passed you a glove underneath the table and you swiftly pulled it over your disgusting hand, flinching at the idea of having anyone see the signs of it.

Somehow, you managed to weasel yourself out of that scenario thanks to Souda who stood up from the table and announced it was time to leave since he had a project he had to work on, and he needed to stay up till the wee hours of the morning at this rate. Everyone seemed to understand and took that as the sign it was about time to depart.

When you and Hinata arrived back, he noted your gloved hand with a perked eyebrow. You remained silent with a pathetic grin pressing your lips together, but at the silence, your boyfriend put the puzzle pieces together and figured he offended you, so he grabbed your other hand and pulled you in for a kiss before you opened up the door into your cozy home.

What happened next hadn't been expect — he pinned you up against the wall and pressed your bodies up together and—

oh fuck, he was aroused. Clearly.

Well, you couldn't  _honestly_ deny that you hadn't had a few sexual thoughts and missed Hinata's warm, tender touches. How quickly he switched his position as a bottom or top, how he switched from sweet and vanilla to rough and hard in just a few words. Trembling hands found their way to his pants and tongues grazed against one another in a moment of passion and lust.

“ _AY, KOMAEDA! DON’T TELL ME YOU FORGOT TOO–”_

Your eyes snapped open, flickering over to the doorway to find a paralyzed Souda standing in the open doorway, eyes wide and a small box in his hand.

“O-Oh my god, I—” he began, eyelids fluttering as his words stumbled to get out of his mouth.

“Its not what it looks like, I  **swear.** ” Hinata refused, jumping off of you.

To which you pouted, whining almost, “You’re so cruel to me, Hajime. Really, I thought we were going to—”

“Hajime?” heat rose to those already pink cheeks of his, causing them to be a beet red. “H-Hajime…” Hinata echoed, chewing down on his bottom lip.

“Look, I can go now if you wan–”

“No, no! Come in, Souda! Ignore the… extra guest we have here.” You teased Hinata, smiling at him and pecking him on the cheek before guiding the other boy into the living room. Souda seemed… off. Nervous, really. Which took you aback, but it seemed like a sign this needed to be in a more… private place. You two went into the master bedroom, locking the door behind you – you highly doubted Hinata would come searching for you, but just in case.

“Alright. I got it for you. That replacement hand.” Souda explained, plopping down onto the bed and opening the box to reveal a cold, metallic bionic hand. “I finished it awhile ago, but– Wait. You haven't told Hinata yet, have ya?”

“A-Ah… no… I wouldn’t want to burden him with my troubles, I mean–” you stuttered, nervous butterflies fluttering about in your stomach because you  _knew_ eventually he'd find out. Especially with this… metal hand.

Souda leaned back, the bed creaking under his weight, “Then… continue to wear that glove of yours. I mean, it'll be weird but man if you can hide it for a long enough time then–!”

You gulped, head bobbing in a quick nod, “I see! … lets try it. This hand is… disgusting right now. It smells  _awful_ and—”

“C’mere.” he gestured for you to sit down on the bed with him, “I think if we do this right, nothing bad should happen. Its kind of like a nub there, right? Just with some hand stitched on. Besides, putting this thing on will be a piece of cake! … I think. Just give me a few minutes to figure this out, okay?”

“What about the hand I mean we can’t just throw it ou–”

Souda seemed panicked now, sweating nervously, “U-Uhm… throw it out? In the garbage.”

“No.”

“Goddamnit, Komaeda, what else are we—”

“ _No._ ”

“Where are we going to put it? It doesn't matter! Its rotting junk and its unhealthy for you to keep it on! 

“ _ **No, Souda. No. Thats. Final.**_ ”

“Think about Hinata, then!”

Shivers coursed through your frail body, green eyes widening in horror at the idea. Oh, god, what do you do? Someone could find it and…

and…

…

“Fine.” you breathed shakily, “I-I'm sorry for speaking out. Someone as worthless as me shouldn't have spoken.”

“Jeez louise…” Souda grumbled, beginning to get to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops i haven’t updated in a really long time  
> sorry about that, i’ve been busy. ahahah,,,


End file.
